I’ve been figuratively buried with requested or scheduled work down in my wood shop these past few months and haven’t had a chance to write anything. By the way, I say the word (figuratively) because I like to think that I paid attention in English class and the world loves to use the word “literally” in it’s place without regard to the definition. So no, I was not literally buried down in my wood shop though there are times when that pesky wood shop dust invariably gets pretty deep. <Ahem> I digress.

We are about to go on an extended vacation as the epilogue to a year long story that was featured on other parts of this website. In anticipation of that trip, plans were made to stay at the house and take care of our shop dog, Dash and I’ve also started to put the final touches on a couple videos that will auto-publish while we’re gone. One of those videos was pure joy to assemble, almost candy for a small YouTube channel owner like me because it highlights a bunch of merchandise that people and companies want to send me for free. Free you say? Well, not without some significant risk for personal data loss. More on that in a bit.

The fun part of the whole “FREE STUFF” experience is that it is amazing to see the actual breadth of merchandise being offered to me considering the type of niche YouTube channel I have. We’re not talking about super expensive wood shop tools or even inexpensive hand tools. Those offers would make some sense. I should also mention that the dollar value of items offered is relatively modest. My channel size of 20K subscribers is nothing to sneeze at because I truly love you all, but it doesn’t warrant free offers for things like cars or expensive woodworking tools. The people who have a million subscribers get that kind of swag. I love how a channel like Mr. Beast can afford to shoot at a new Lamborghini with a WW2 tank. Yeah. I don’t rate that sort of offer.

My little channel gets offers for merchandise ranging in retail value from $10 up to $300. But as is true with everything else in life, none of that modestly priced swag is free without consequence. The typical email offer I get will read something like:

Most of these offers will lead to a page on Amazon with a coupon code for the product in question. Lower cost items include the free code and the manufacturer just counts on the honor system so that you’ll feature the product. There doesn’t seem to be any validation or bill sent to you if you don’t publish. Some links provided in the email show a coded website link that you can’t make heads or tails of. Those are kind of sketchy. Most offers are also a bad trade. Shooting and then editing and publishing a video takes me many hours or days to get a decent amount of quality baked in. It isn’t worth my time for a $10 multi function screwdriver. More expensive offers will sometimes require that you pay for the item, often with a discount, produce the video and they will then send you a check afterwards. Umm. That doesn’t sound fishy at all.

It gets worse.

There are now a number of videos popping up on YouTube with the channel owner begging his or her subscribers to ignore fake appeals that offer products for sale or asking for personal/payment information. It turns out that the channel owner’s account was hacked and some other foreign actor is using the channel to make money for themselves. And how did that all happen in the first place? I mean, email and YouTube security is pretty decent and requires a couple methods of authentication to get access to the account. Something else had to happen for that bad actor to gain access to the channel. Wanna guess what that “something else” was?

An email featuring free stuff. Everybody wants some. The allure is always there. Attractive pictures for merchandise tempt you in an innocent email asking for a partnership. You ignore the fact that most of the correspondence is poorly written. Appropriate grammar and punctuation is not required. Just keep focused on that shiny free product picture and click that link. One click and it’s FREE!

And… that’s how they get you.

I think I’ve been saved from this particular electronic hellscape for a few reasons. First, I am a child of the computer age where my professional career was spent all around computer software and hardware. From punch cards to internet technologies, my fingers have been in all of those pies. Apologies again for another one of my famous mixed metaphors. Second, I am never really looking for sponsors or partnerships. One of the things I like to do on my channel is provide a REAL opinion and review on products that I choose to buy on my own. If you take on a free tool, there is some pressure to say nice things about it because it was given to you. I’d like to have a little more integrity than that. Finally, the offers I do get are freaking hilarious. Just reading the email offer and looking at the product being offered is my candy. I would never and I mean that literally, (coming full circle to my opening paragraph), never consider featuring any of those products in a video because…

I HAVE A WOOD SHOP CHANNEL!

So why is it when I get an email saying that you’ve watched my channel and your product is a perfect fit, would you want me to demonstrate a pair of women’s tights? What should I do to demonstrate stretching with your Yoga strap, or incorporate birthday wrapping paper, or feature women’s earrings? I received an offer once for free replacement Ninja blender parts in exchange for a video. This assumed of course that I already had the blender because it wasn’t included. Custom cushions, a fishing reel, a heated neck warmer, a dog shock collar; all things offered to me for free. Some of these will get featured in an upcoming video that makes fun of all this ridiculousness.

To be fair, some offers have real value. I’ve recently received an offer for a golf bag, a grass trimmer, a leaf blower, an adjustable office chair and a bedroom dresser made from “engineered wood”. None of those items fits the theme of my channel at all except for maybe the dresser. But why would I take on your particle board, cheap vinyl laminated, screw together dresser when I make my own solid hardwood furniture that should last multiple lifetimes? Bump your dresser the wrong way and I picture it folding up on it’s way down to the floor.

Free candy is always tasty, except maybe black licorice. Free internet candy is hard to ignore too because some of the products featured are actually pretty cool. But I’m not sure I’ll ever partner with any vendor on a product unless it is something I truly believe in. That and the value would have to be equal to the amount of time and labor it takes to make a quality video I put my name on. For now, clicking on free candy will have to stop after I open the original email. There will be no follow up click to the product or a website or some fishy link to a foreign server.

As for the free stuff video, it should drop in a few weeks after this blog posting. It was a fun one to make as I skewer some of the ridiculous offers I actually get for free products. Matt is waiting for us to leave on our little vacation because that means he can take over the wood shop. Hopefully he makes something cool that we can feature when we return. Our noisy shop Beagle, Dash, will help keep the squirrels and the UPS driver at bay while we’re gone too.

“Who’s a good boy? You are…”